4-2-23: Unraveling Uncertainty

It was a beautiful, warm spring Sunday. The sun was shining, and we spent a considerable amount of time outdoors that day. It was a week before Easter. I remember feeling excited about hosting our annual Easter egg hunt, which had evolved into a neighborhood kids' egg hunt. The date was April 2, 2023 — the day this journey began. Our daughter had turned 1 just three weeks earlier. I brought her inside for a short break, and we played on the floor, almost reaching lunchtime.

I was sitting behind my daughter on the floor. Looking down at her legs, sprawled out straight just like mine but so much tinier and cuter, an odd thought crossed my mind: 'Are her legs uneven?' Immediately, I grabbed both and put her feet and legs together for comparison. I was mortified; they indeed looked uneven. My heart started racing, and panic set in. I tried moving her into different positions to see if my mind was playing tricks on me. They seemed to be only about a half-inch to an inch off, but for a tiny 12-month-old, that appeared significant. With my daughter in my arms, I ran outside to tell my husband, who was playing with our son and didn’t seem to notice my panic. I asked him to come inside quickly, and when he did, I ran back inside. After comparing her legs in various positions—sitting, standing, lying down, to the left, to the right, upside-down—we confirmed that her legs were not the same length, no matter which way we moved her.

I called her pediatrician, but the answering service was on. It was a Sunday, so, of course, they weren’t available. I left a message on DD’s (Dear Daughter’s) online medical portal. I wasn’t sure what I expected this to accomplish; I just needed to take some action. I felt helpless. Fortunately, we had her 12-month well-check appointment scheduled for the very next day. Thank God, I thought. However, that still left me with hours of uncertainty about what might be wrong. I searched the internet for answers, but everything seemed dire. Trying to distract myself, I attempted to enjoy the rest of the beautiful day and spent time with our children. However, persistent thoughts kept popping into my head as I internalized my worry: 'What if she has this condition or that condition? What if she’s ill? Why didn’t I notice this sooner?'

#SpicaStrong